You Are 60% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

You Are 56% Intuitive

Your intuition is often right, and you use it more than you may realize. Your gut feelings are usually a good guide, but you need more to go on when making a decision. You'll often check to see if the facts back up your feelings. And when your intuition is wrong, you work to improve it for the future.

How Intuitive Are You?

9 months and 24 years later

Yes...9 months and 24 years later, what have I given her. What else but sorrow, pain and humiliation? What have i expressed openly, if not anger and rebuke? But what most of all, have i felt deep within? Love...unconditional love...and only one woman in my life may ever claim it...my mother...

Today when anyone asks me why i prefer my home town to the US, i'd say any dumb reason that comes to mind. But the foremost of them, I never share; it is this love, it is this very comfort, it is the wonderful feeling, that someone really cares for you, that keeps me here.

I still remember vividly, during my days at kasargode, when i was just a few years old and a small stick had pierced my eye, the way she cried...But today, when she is in pain, I never care.

I remember those long walks we had on the CPCRI campus. But today, when she asks me to drop her someplace on my vehicle, I shirk away.

And how can i forget the way she used to teach me, laboriously going over each text? But today, when she asks me to teach her a wee bit of computers, I smirk at her.

Inspite of all this, she is as unwavering in showing her love, as I am in not doing so. But I've decided enough is enough. I've realized that time is ticking away...I've realized that it is now time to give it back to her, with capital and interest...And do i will, for sure...

Leaving you all with a small thought...I've seen authors acknowledging their wife/son/daughter in their books, but very seldom a mother...Why so??? Also, I've heard people say, the most thankless job in the world is tht of a policeman...But whatabout a mothers'?

-Audieu

My small disappointment

My small disappointment

Hmm...been some time since i visited myself on the web. Things have not been too lucrative... yea...whtas new right ?? Wanna know what it is this time around? I called her..oh sorry..my school friend...she happily told me her marriage got fixed..So what, big deal...u never cared for her...u never let her know what you might have felt...and today when she breaks this news, it breaks your heart as well? Yea...doesnt sound reasonable to me...but when was relations or feeling ever governed by rules...when was the heart ever restrained by them...But deep within, there is some feeling, one which i dont have words to describe... i dont know if its self pity..I dont know if its loath...i definitely know that it hurts...and my mind asks me...WHY O WHY?? And it answers: to be loved, to atleast live in the belief of being loved is a great thing...and to oneday wakeup with the knowledge that it is lost forever, is a little daunting...And in her case too, I set her free, she never will come back...she never was mine...Ofcoz, these are words my mind solaces my heart with.

Someone once told me that when the heart is in ecstacy or if it is in shatters, thats the best time to produce something creative...I have always subscribed to that view...and today is such a day...

I was chatting to my colleague, and the conversation led from one thing to another and finally arrived at one of the most intriguing things on earth. Relations...

So intricate, yet so vague
So perfect, yet so fragile,
So beautiful, yet can turn so ugly

He talked to me about a girl from college whom he almost ended up proposing, if it was not for her sending an invitation to her marriage...he loved her from the bottom of his heart; he still remembers the day he took her out for a tea. He told me that it was an all en-compassing feeling which filled him with tremendous amounts of energy and happiness, and he says he was not fully in love.

When he finished, i was crying...a long time since i did so. Stories had stopped to move me, but this one did. Coz i could relate a lot to it. I failed to make myself clear on one occasssion and I am hurting from all molecules of my body. I wish I had someone to confide in, but all my dearest friends are not with me...and that is when i realize that the cellphone no longer makes this world smaller....

But then I've made my decision. I shall not tell her...Coz I st her free, she never came back, she never was mine...But one day when u read this, know that you ARE loved.

This is a two part blog and is about my experiences at college, specifically one bit of it, my last semester tour. Read the post below to start ...

Our return journey was quie un-eventful. We reached trivandrum a little travel weary but overwhelmed by the sense of how big our country is, and how small we really are. Ok enough of philosophies.

I'd like to now reacollect how the tour and events post it changed my life. The tour gave me a very dear friend, and it was a pity that I did not know her until the last semesters. It also gave me some of the most unpleasant memories, which i will recount here.

Our class had two distinct groups among the guys. I was inclined to one group, but the other group did not find me objectionable either. When one group took up organizing the tour, I got pulled in as well. I did nt think of it at the moment, but since i was always interested in such things, i plunged neck deep into the state affairs. I got really tied up and did not have time for friends. My dearest friends started feeling that i was neglecting them and leaving them for the others. To my peril, such thoughts never crossed my mind. All this built up over the course of the 20 day tour. I did not find the time to go shopping with them or enjoy the places. All i was worried about was to conduct everyting successfully.

After the tour got over, and we presented the financial details, they came back with mis-appropriations. What hurt was that the people who raised this were my best friends, and I had no inkling that things would turn up this way. For almost a month no one used to speak to me. Those were perhaps the darkest days of my college life. It was perhaps a test of endurance, a test by the one above to see if our friendship was for real.

I am happy to say that they did. When things finally cooled down and we started talking, [I remember i cried while sitting in college and mutual friends were trying to put things back in place by having us across the table and talk. I also remember vividly that once we finally talked things over, all of us went to Aruna restaurant and had chilly porotta...just to cool things off ;-)]

And that my friends is the story of the tour. The tour which taught me to plan, the tour which taught me about friendships and the tour which taught me about love...not mine, but Shahjahan's...

I am not sure if I've mentioned this before, but mine was a batch which had the unique fortune of going on tours every semester. We'd decided to combine our 7th and 8th sem tours into a mega affair and go on an all India outing.

Dates ver fixed, all tht was left was to plan. We spent an exact month on planning the entire tour. It meant a whole month of class bunking, but since it was on "official" grounds, we got attendance. We decided the places we were gonna visit, which where Goa, Mumbai, Delhi, Agra and Shimla (for non-indian readers, if any, these are places worth visiting when in india :-D) in the order in which they were gonna host us.

Once that was finalised, we had to book the train tickets; 56 tickets in one bogie was always a tall order, but we managed to pull it off. Once the train journey and the dates ver in place, accomodation was next on list. Being college students, we were on the lookout for cheap accomodation when someone suggestd youth hostels. We booked accomodation for Goa and Delhi in youth hostels (one comment on youth hostels..if u need accomodation cheap, and at the same time need a homely feeling, youth hostels are the best bet..) Our biggest problem was gonna be Mumbai coz accomodation never comes cheap there; but surprisingly that is where it was cheapest, coz we got accomodation at the BARC, which was also on our list of Industrial visit centers..

Arranging local tours was never a problem. In goa, the manager of the youth hostel arranged it, in Mumbai, we had a friends relative do it, and in Delhi we had a package tour arranged with Panickers.

Come August 18th and we set off to Goa. My first memories of Goa are the Panaji station which we reached early morning. The youth hostel was situated on a beach and needless to say the atmospehere was as serene as they come. We had our share of fun, frolic and shopping at Goa and finally started to Mumbai. We almost missed the train due to a miscalculation by yours truly. I actually thought 1600 meant 6 o clock rather than 4. It was fortunate that the bus driver had to leave early someplace and so had us dropped at the station by 3.45. Providence!!

The next leg of the journey is the one I will never forget. I believe it was a full moon and she was lighting the world for us to behold. I had only heard of the Engineering marvel called Konkan railway, now i was realizing why it was called so. We passed through numerous tunnels, some of them had water falling down the mouths and the train actually cut through the mini-water falls. I had never had such an enchanting journey my whole life. We reached Dadar station the next day, and had quite a time figuring out where the bus tht was supposed to pick us up was.

Mumbai was in essence everything we had heard of. A city bustling with activity, a city which ws the economic capital of the country. Mumbai's memories are a little faded, mainly coz i slept off my tiredness. The second day we visited the R&D hub of India, BARC. What we saw there really amazed us..we knew the future of our country was safe. Second day evening we set out for the Capital of India...

Stay at Delhi is what comes to mind first. As i mentioned earlier, it was at the International Youth Center that we were put up. It was in one of the most pristine locations of Delhi - chanakyapuri - spat in the middle of embassies. The roads were 10 times as wide as what we had here. Tour of Delhi was arranged by Panickers travels who also arranged our leg of the tour to Agra and Shimla. The Taj at agra is yet another memory that I shall never forget. She stood so pure in between all those standstone buildings, and seeing her I realized and imbibed the love that built her. She was the most marvelous structure I'd ever laid my eyes on.

Our bandwagon then rolled all the way to shimla, where the winter was just starting to come in from the mountains. We trekked all the way upto the snowline; albeit there was no snow to play with. We also bought a lot of apples and sabarjalees, which were as cheap as you could get. Shimla and then back to Delhi, and Delhi and a long journey back home..

My second story begins here..

I am thinking of writing a book titled "How to propose to a girl". Hey, thats easy. I'll list down the ways I have tried, and then write an antithesis to each. Simple rite? And then mebbe i'll add another word to the title "Successful"...Sigh....

Today a friend was telling me how someone proposed to her and she managed to wriggle out of that tricky situation. The first thought that came to my mind? Well, the guy has guts...

I did some reasearch and came up with "rhetoric". Yeah, thts what you need to possess to really impress. Hey its not the latest viagra on the block. It simply means, "art of using language correctly and effectively". Mhmm, that says a lot. And that they say is essential to "proposing to a girl you’ve fallen in love with (or gracefully turning down the proposal)". Well, I am not quite sure, because I am quite rhetoric (I hope it is the rite adjective), but success on this front has always eluded me. :)

I sometimes think I am no trying too hard, and then always console myself by saying "there should be someone worth trying"...(Oh, i know what you just thought "My gawd..as if this guy is casablanca)...Hey folks these are things I say to pacify myself.

i've finally decided to pin it on my sun-sign. Ares...Arians (not Aryans) have a flaring ego. And it does really hurt if someone whom you propose turns you down. Mhhm..that sounds better. I am now waiting for a Sagittarius (someone told me only they can tolerate arians...Next time, better ask a lady her DOB before anything else)

As for the book, I thought it better not to publish..

This time, its about yet another lady..Yeah, i know what you are wondering...All he has are ladies...But lemme ask you, what else must a guy have :)...Ok, jokes apart, this one is dedicated to one who has really shaped my career.

One and a half years back when my then manager left, Rachel came as replacement. I hated her from first day on. She was a stickler for time, she brought in a lot of processes (which translated into lots n lots of documents) and was also not the jovial kind. I came to the know the reason only a few days later; she had spent time with the Indian Army..Oophh..

One week later she called me.
"David said you wanted to leave the project ?"
"Ahh well yes, Its been a year since i've been with this project, and i think its time for me to learn something new"
"Does it have anything to do with David leaving and me coming in?" (I was taken aback by this question. Though that was the truth, I was surprised at how she guessed.)
"Of course not Rachel, that has nothing to do with my decision" (Be diplomatic)
"Ok...I have been observing all the team members for some time now, and you are one person I'd really like to have it in my team." (oh yeah, the usual manager jargon) She continued .."I agree its a big change, but good or bad only time can tell. Give me a chance to prove myself. If you are still dissatisfied 2-3 months down the lane, I'd release you. but promise me you'll stay until then"..
I thought, ohh what the heck, just two months...and my answer therefore was "Oh, sure Rachel, sounds fine to me.'

One and a half years after that meeting when one evening she convenes a meeting of the team and says "I am moving out of the team", you could hear a pin drop in the room. The silence was deafening. No one dared move or speak. The knowledge that Rachel would no longer be there was slowly sinking in.

I am gonna miss her terribly. She is the one person who always showed me positives and negatives...She is the one who showed me that there is no limit to what we can achieve if we believe in ourselves. She is the one who taught me what a good manager is. And she my dear friends is also the first manager to give me a "Star performer" appraisal.

The day when she announced her decision to leave the account, she cried. Innately, all of us did too. After the meeting, when we came back to our seats, all looking gloomy and sad, a long timer with the company said - "Ive never seen people sad over a manager leaving". I'd say that is true my dear friend, no one has touched us so.

This entry is a tribute to the person who made me realize who I am and what I can be....

Its been a month since i posted something on here...But my schedule was too hectic...got some breathing space atlast...and the mood to write something...Someone told me you had to either very sad or very happy to get something creative done...a post for me is definitely something creative :-)
Of coz, last week was terrible for me...The ladies in my life (mind you, none are girl-friends or my love), gave me quite a difficult time...I embarassed myself infront of one, almost having lost the friendship of another, when yet another drops a bombshell on me...but then as old timers say, when they start coming, misfortunes often bundle up ....

i am quite at my wits end figuring out what to do with them...and believe me, its never been like this...

and ohh, abt the lady who figured in my previous post, we still do talk..but i couldnt bring myself to ask her the million dollar question... :)

I've finally caught up with her...She is my friend from school...but a lot of things transpired between us, and i lost contact with her. When i came to know she still existed single, my heart missed a beat. Should I call her? Should i ask her? It is quite mind boggling how the heart can hyper react in such cases. I am even starting to wonder if the heart is faster than the brain (whatever)...

anyways coming back to the lady in question, she was one of the sweetest things in class...and the only thing she did wrong was to write down in her diary tht she had a liking towards me (to this day i dont know if that is the truth, but i plan to ask her one day)...I just stopped talking to her from that day (yeah yeah..i can hear the "wow what a dumbo" comment)...We split streams after 10th, and that was the last time i saw her.

She has been spending her life here in my home town, but I have never come across her. But even if i would have, would I have recognized her? Years later, hearing her voice through my phone I am overcome by an intense feeling of sadness at the way i treated her. I might have missed out on an opporunity to have a friend for life. I might have missed out on many wonderful moments we could have shared...

But i have decided...I will definitely ask her what had happened that fateful day. But then, if she says she never even knew about it, and that she did not even feel like that for an instance in time, what would i be? Is it better to remain in the dark, resting on the beautiful feeling that I had also been loved, or embrace light and the truth. I dont know...But time will tell...

December 3, 2004
****************
Hi Aravind, Kindly be informed that you are formally shifted to 7S-TR2-S20: m/c no:****** with effect from Dec 3rd, 04.
Thanks And Regards,
Rakhin Prabha Rajan

When I got the allocation mail, I was a little sad. The thought of movingout from Rec Room to some place called TR2 was not too comforting. One andhalf years later, on the brink of moving from TR2 to my own niche in 7S, Iam flooded by an immense feeling of nostalgia...

I am also sure I am not theonly one...The memories of life in TR2 have been clearly etched into theminds of whoever has had the chance to be here. With only a few days of my professional life left to be lived in TR2, Ithought it prudent to write an ode to one of the most happening rooms of USTechnology. TR2 has been the nerve center of all activities concerning ouraccount...Want to have an account meeting? Want to celebrate a birthday?Have to announce a tour? One almost always turned to TR2. Some of ourbiggest projects have been executed out of TR2. Some of our most memorableevents have been celebrated here, and some of our biggest decisions havealso been made here. This room has been as much a part of our account asanyone of us.

I am sure everyone would agree that the wonderful team spiritwithin our team has a direct relation to a majority of us being in TR2.Successes have been shared and sorrows divided. When I came into TR2, there were people from other accounts still sittinghere. A few months later it became an exclusive haven of our account. Myfirst seat was in the last row, which reminded me of my engineering class (Iwas sitting in the first row and had to relegate to last row after myprofessor told me while distributing answer papers that he hadn't seen aworse first bench in his career). You had the advantage of watching theworld without the world watching you. Some months later I realized that Imight end up a specimen for the medicos to work on, if I continued to put upwith the cold waves (literally) emanating from the AC vents.

I then requested for a change and when Biji left TR2, I got my first promotion (orshould I say demotion) to the second last row. Interestingly, it is exactlyone year since I moved to my present seat. It is then that I had a chance towork with a full fledged team along with Ramesh and Varma. From then on ithas been a wonderful journey, and as of today, Sojan and I are the seniormost in TR2 (wow, what a great feeling).

I almost feel that a family is being cut to pieces; of course it being the time of nuclear families, one cannot complain. But the thought that thishaven, which has provided everyone with intimacy, love, trust, protection,tenderness and understanding, will no longer be part of our folklore, oursaga, is indeed disturbing.

I only wish that the bond which has held us together through times thick andthin, would hold, strengthen and flourish even when we move out. For, intrying circumstances, it is the knowledge that friends are near, that givesyou comfort and helps you go over the hurdles. This might be the last gazette out of TR2. It would also be great if peoplewho have experienced life in TR2 reply with their experiences....

Friday was hectic as usual..But then I had something to look forward to...our team was touring Kodaikanal, which is a picturesque hill station in the South...The climate was promising to remain good, the air was charged with positivity...the expectation of a great weekend lay ahead...

8.30 it was when the last of our team mates wound up withi his call to US, but still no sign of the Bus..another half an hour spent speculating about the ETA at Kodai. The Bus finally found it convenient to make an appearance by 9. By 10, after a round of pickup, we were on our way.

Friday was just fading away, and talks of code written and trackers sent that day were floating around...Within an hour, sleep was catching up, eyelids were drowsy, shoulders were drooping...Another long week was on its way out... It was then that the fun really started. A couple of us young bloods found it hard to digest that we were here to sleep. Every 10 minutes the silence was shattered by riotous sounds, loud enough to keep a charging herd of elephants at bay. Until about 1, this exercise continued... Curses could be heard flying here and there...Luckily we are not in the world of Harry Potter. By about 1 am, even the most energetic found it better to surrender to the wonderful all encompassing feeling..no of coz am not talking abt Love...its sleep..yeah what else...

The sleep was short-term though. We woke up to a deadly calm surrounding us, and realized that our Bus had punctured one of its tyres...What rotten luck. One hour was spend trying to find a shop to fix it. Right from the moment the bus started, many of us had a fleeting feeling that all was not well, and now our worst fears materialised...After the puncture came another GREAT news..the vehicle would go no faster than 60kmph. Motorcycles overtook us and we watched in disbelief as the driver stopped the vehicle to let others pass by.

17 hours of rickety driving later, we finally arrived at our destination, satisifed that we were still in one piece. The accomodation was out-standing. It was a welcome change in a tour filled with mishaps. The ambience was superb, and more so was the food. All of us gave in to the lust for food, and by the time we were finished, our stomachs resembled footballs...(oh yeah u cud say i was watching a lot of the world cup)

We may have succumbed to that wonderful thing called sleep again, but for our dearest friend Antony suggesting that we go for a trek. Yeah, the idea sounded dumb, especially after a sumptous feast, but there it was...One km was the distance originally mentioned. Oh yeah, as you already figured it out, it was much much more...Statistics were to reveal later that we trekked 17kms both ways. It is interesting how u miss out a figure sometimes...

It was quite late by the time we reached the destination, and our journey back was a once in a lifetime affair. We were in the middle of a forest (city dwellers call even a score of trees a forest, but this was the real thing), with the night settling; news that a herd of bison was prowling around added to the hyperbole...The most important thing we learnt off this adventure was that Nokia phones with camera have a powerful flash feature. Yes, you guessed rite. That was our torch, our leading light.

By the time we retuned, (the bison herd was for real, but did not create any worries-only because they were too far away) it was too late for further adventure. But this was the only night we had to organize a camp fire, which we did. The original plan was to cook over the fire and eat, but then with food, it is better not to take too many risks. The team sat around the fire and a fierce round of Antakshari followed...It almost ended up in a free-for-all, but for the intimation that another feast had been setup...


Dinner Time!!!...Hmm..it was growing to be a habit now. The trek had famished us all, but with it had brought in a ravenous apetite. Needless to say, the food vanished in no time...A good measure of fruit salad with icrecream saw us signing off with a flourish...

Again, the real party started at night. People who were not tired, because of the "Fire in the belly", partied late into the night. A game of cards with 6 people, was going on. Elsewhere, people were performing "monoacts"...It is interesting that such copious amounts of dialogues can be had for almost nothing..(err, well, a little)...

I saw Sunday Morning at 6.30 am. I dont see working days at these hours, and was surprised how a tour can tickle your bilogical clock to press the alarms at optimum times. By the time the entire team got ready, it was 9 am. Breakfast at 9, did i say delicious, was followed by checking out of the guest house, settling of bills and writing a than you note to the manager.

This day was devoted to sight seeing. We were about to see why Kodai was one of the best hill stations in the country. The climate was at its best. No rains, a perfect sunny day. We trekked pine forests, floated across the lake in boats, cycled its perimeter and finally shopped.......Righto, Shopping!!! What tour without shopping. Many people infact carried home more than what they brought.

When we finally started our journey back, it was 4.30pm. 12 hours later, we were back to where it all started. The honeymoon had ended; but all made sure that it was great while it lasted. Earlier, in the context of shopping, i said "Many people infact carried home more than what they brought." I would refine it to say "All people carried home more than what they brought"...This tour has helped us foster better relations and build new ones, meet with people whom we never knew existed, helped us understand others better and above all, bonded us together in a wonderful feeling of togetherness, of team spirit...which was the essence of the entire tour...

Everybody played a part in making it a grand success, but it would be grave injustice if i donot single out a few names..
Antony with his indomitable spirit, Aromal with his "cool as a cucumber" attitude and Sojan with a real display of leadership have done a wonderful job. I may have missed out a few names, but that is purely un-intentional. The success of this has me eagerly waiting for the next. I hope the entire team can participate, next time around.

I am getting hooked to orkut now...What makes it interesting is the scrapbook...feelings you never thought existed in others suddenly seem to pour out through these scraps...and of coz, it is an interesting past time....

There is this girl...She was with me at school. A really sweet girl...and the only mistake she did was to have an inatuation ..that too, with me..To be frank, i got scared...I never talked to her after that...But now, years later i met her through a mutual friend...we talk regularly now..I am single, she is single...You never know when things may change

Its almost two and a half years since i joined the dynamic it industry...A lot of things gained...and lot of things lost in this journey...I realize that this industry is filled with ironies...U compete with your team member for a better appraisal, you work with the same person as a team ...u work long hours to impress your boss, these same long hours gives you a non-productive image ...

But then I have realied that Life is so...and hence it must logically follow that anything connected must have a subset of its ironies...

In a philiosophical mood? yeah true!!! Most of friends are not near me...people who are have got married and started families...it is when u sit idle without a thing to do, that you realize their value

Ok....enough for now...I have bored myself...

I satisifed my craze for electronic gadgets...i now have an iPOD..I am absolutely flabbergasted with the sound quality..defnitely a must buy...One thing i was not impressed abt, was the headphones...they looked too drab..mebbe the next thing they could think of ws to bring in bluetooth support...that would be totally out of the world...

This is my first blog. I have been wanting to do so for quite some time now, but have been putting it off. It is an incident, and a tragedy at that, that has made me set this thing up. I felt i needed an avenue to voice my opinions and record my thoughts...a diary would have been another choice, but then it doesnt give one the option of reading other's opinions on his thoughts..and hence this blog..i plan to make regular posts here..and hope i can carry forward this online diary adventure